I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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