I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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