Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
