as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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