Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
