The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
