i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
