you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
