I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
