just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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