Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
