The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
