i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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