I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
