If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
