Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
