Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My vagina is very pro this idea
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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