Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
