woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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