just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wish I only lived at night.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
