have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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