They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
