I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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