The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
