I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
