it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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