plz talk dirty to me
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
