Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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