Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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