i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
