who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
