textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Randomize
