My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
