Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
