I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
