You can't special order awesome
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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