I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
