The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
