Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
