DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
