And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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