He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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