watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
