Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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