My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
