your thong is hanging out like whoa
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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