she woke up with a sticky ear
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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