he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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