My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
