he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
