hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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