I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
