these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
vagina is talking i cant
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
