Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
