dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If I die, sorry about rent.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
