peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
